AP Studs learned about the AP rubric and scored the following essay:
In her recent speech to the UN to launch the HeForShe
campaign, Emma Watson strikes an inclusive note for feminism and, in doing so,
promotes gender equality.
If any member of Watson’s audience feels threatened by
so-called “feminism,” Watson dispels that resistance quickly by simply asking
for “help” and using the inclusive “we” when she states that ending “gender
inequality” is her and HeForShe’s goal.
She also closes the door on the distraction of the misogynistic view of
feminism by conceding that although sometimes feminism is viewed as “synonymous
with man hating,” “this has to stop.” At
this early point in her speech, Watson addressed common doubts about feminism
and also broadens the scope of her speech to help everyone – both the he’s and
the she’s and
everyone in between.
Watson then opens her life up to her audience members and
thus forms a deeper connection with them, as well as informing them of the
insidious effects of gender inequality.
Specifically, Watson describes “being called bossy” at age eight, simply
because she wanted to direct childhood plays – even though “the boys were not.” Watson again broadens the scope of her appeal
and relevance to the audience when she speaks of “being sexualized buy the
press,” an experience to which few of us can relate but most of us remember as
this experience affected Watson. Watson
continues to decry her 15 year old friends “dropping out of their sports teams”
for fear of being labeled “muscly,” which agains broadens her audience and emphasizes that
gender equality limits opportunities for almost everyone we know. Finally, Watson leaves no doubt that this is
NOT simply a female problem and she turns her lens to “male friends [who] were
unable to express their feelings.” At
this point, Watson confirms that all of the world is involved in this
disparity, and all of us must work to correct this inequity.
Now that Watson has everyone on notice, if not on board, she
sharpens her rhetoric and mentions salary equality, health care parity, and a
call for mutual respect. Just as her
audience moves toward her side on these issues, Watson reminds us (and
emphasizes this point by making it a single paragraph in her text) that “no
country in the world” has gender equality, confirming for her audience that
there is no place to hide – we must all work together.
Just as some of her audience may be doubting that Watson
really and truly suffers from gender equality, Watson concedes that her life
has been one of privilege in that, inter alia, her “parents,” her
“school,” and her “mentors” all promoted and supported her, just as they would
have a male. An audience member is
likely to say to him or herself: “Of
course, we treat our daughters as well as our sons.” Just as the audience mulls this thought over,
Watson reminds them that they are, at the least, “inadvertent feminists,” and
that “we need more of those,” implying that even if we shirk the “f-word”
label, we can all fight for equality.
Watson reminds us once again that true gender equality will
support and promote fathers, “young men suffering from mental illness,” and all
men “imprisoned by gender stereotypes.”
Right when the hard core feminists in the audience may be accusing
Watson of pandering to the males, she reaches back and includes the females
once more with an antithesis that confirms both fairness and a sense of how
complex we have made this issue.
Specifically Watson lets both genders off the hook by claiming that
“[i]f men don’t have to control, women won’t have to be controlled.”
Now that Watson confirms that everyone, every he, every she,
should not only work for but also benefit from this campaign, she addresses the
likely elephant in the room – just who does she think she is? What ethos does this actor really have? Watson anticipates and dispels this argument
by voicing the audience’s tacit question: “[W]ho is this Harry Potter
girl?” Watson further solidifies her
ethos by admitting “I have been asking myself the same thing.” By this frank admission, Watson reveals her
honesty and humility - now the audience
has moved more strongly to her side because Watson is brave enough to be “real”
with us. Furthermore, is this actor can
stand up and speak to the UN, who are we to sit back and watch? At this points Watson’s audience may well
feel that they, too, can join her cause.
Just as though she reads our minds, Watson agrees with her
audience. She quotes Edmund Burke, which
is effective both for the content of the quote and to reveal her intelligence,
thereby increasing once again her ethos.
Then Watson ends with the quote of the night – her own: “If not me, who? If not now, when?” Now the audience members ask themselves those
questions, which, because of their rhythm, repetition, and position of recency,
become a rallying cry they will repeat to themselves long after her speech is
over.
Watson has just formed a committed group of “inadvertent
feminists.”
Rubric
9 – makes your heart sing (1%)
8 – Effective -
solid, cogent, logical
7 – adequate
plus – writing is a little better, insights a little deeper
6 – adequate - gets
the job done
5 – uneven – radio on a country road
4 – inadequate – miss the point a bit, too short,
3 – inadequate minus
- really incomplete
2 – ineffective – a try
1 – ineffective minus – write the prompt
Students also scored their own essay and submitted two drafts of the Emma Watson rhetorical analysis.
Tomorrow your vocabulary list is due!
Seventh period wrote a page on the following prompt:
Seven Deadly Sins
Pride (excessive pride = hubris) John Proctor
Gluttony – no control over how much you eat
Envy (jealousy) (Covet)
Lust (lechery) – too much focus on sex, so much that it
ruins your life
Greed (avarice) – a person wants more and more
Sloth - laziness
Wrath - anger
Now that we all know these words, please write a page about
them or one of them. You have the
following choices:
A story about someone falling victim to one of these sins;
A personal narrative about a struggle with one of these sins
that you have witnessed;
Which of these sins you believe is the worst and why;
Whether or not you even believe in the existence of sins?
John Proctor: is it
worse that he committed the sin of lust with Abigail or is it worse that he
refuses to confess to save his life?
Freewrite
Have a great day!
